Mike Birbiglia ( @birbigs ) Twitter Profile

birbigs

Mike Birbiglia

I wrote some comedy specials 🎭 & books 📚 & movies 🎥. Figuring out the next whatever it is on my podcast (new episode with Rachel Bloom in link.)

Joined on 17 June, 2008

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/27-rachel-bloom-inception-please-stop-ride-musical/id151541975

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Replying to @birbigs: Since there’s nothing else going on I thought I would post this funny clip from my New Year’s Eve virtual show! Join me for Va…

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It’s an American tradition that each president writes a letter to the incoming president. So far President Trump’s letter reads: “ME DO TWITTERz aLL DAy yOU SHULD 2.” This isn’t the final draft but sources say the president is very depressed and may have nothing else to add.

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This is a fun article about how Jared and Ivanka don’t let the Secret Service use their bathroom. Gosh, I’m gonna miss these two.

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Since there’s nothing else going on I thought I would post this funny clip from my New Year’s Eve virtual show! Join me for Valentines weekend! All new material! Love themed! Perfect for date night especially if you don’t have a date! Tickets at ❤️

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To the 197 republicans who voted no on impeachment, what would it have taken? Storming the capital in a tan suit?

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Quoted @birbigs

Today marks a historic day— one of my favorite working it out episodes of all time! I’m lucky enough to be joined by the great Rachel Bloom. (⁦@Racheldoesstuff⁩) So many laughs. So many great stories. It’s a nice respite from the madness. ❤️

Replying to @lizlandau: Listening to two of my favorite comedians chatting about the challenges of parenthood and painful restaurant memories *and*…

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Listening to two of my favorite comedians chatting about the challenges of parenthood and painful restaurant memories *and* make plans for a musical was a beautiful diversion from the perils of this world. Highly recommend!

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74 million voted for trump. How many are checking the box for any republican and how many are part of a cult that will literally agree with anything he says?

My take: 30% cult, 70% any republican candidate.

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The healing begins when our relatives apologize for being wrong.

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10 republicans come out as vertebrates.

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I've boiled the conservative arguments down to this:

AMERICANS SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO PLAN A VIOLENT COUP ON A PRIVATE PLATFORM EVEN IF THAT PRIVATE PLATFORM DOESN'T SUPPORT THAT COUP IN ADDITION TO THE COUP ITSELF BEING ILLEGAL AND DEADLY AND DANGEROUS. BECAUSE...SOCIALISM?

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Quoted @MikeDrucker

@benshapiro Ben, usually I'd joke, but I'm going to come at this honestly. There's a big difference between zip ties being carried by paramilitary forces invading the capitol and zip ties being carried by your wife so she can tie you to a chair and make you watch her have sex with other men.

I don 't know for certain whether Mike Drucker's joke about Ben Shapiro's wife tying Ben up so she can tie him to his chair and make him watch her have sex with other men is true but the humor of it works because it *feels* true. This is a great lesson in comedy by @MikeDrucker.

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Replying to @jimmykimmel: It’s time for Grandpa to hand over the keys.

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It’s time for Grandpa to hand over the keys.

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Perhaps the greatest incongruity of America 2021 is that the people without masks don't want me to be alive but I still want them to be alive.

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"No one saw covid killing this many people:"

We did.

"No one saw trump encouraging a riot on the capitol."

Yeah. we saw that coming too.

We don't need an apology but we wouldn't mind an "I was wrong."

That might be part of the "healing."

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Quoted @Craig_A_Spencer

There were 22,000 flu deaths in 2019-2020.

There were 22,000 #COVID19 deaths last week.

A good stat to share with relatives. (hopefully they're alive)

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I asked for coffee recommendations on parler and someone told me to meet them in a parking lot with a blow torch and a map.

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I'm down to two cups a day since this tweet. I appreciate all the tea recs people tweeted. Thanks, everybody! Twitter FTW.

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New FDA guidelines suggest saying "fuck my life" and shouting at your ceiling 3 to 6 times a day.

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Thanks to all 1k folks who joined me & ⁦@peteholmes⁩ tonight! With the help of ⁦⁦@BOMBAS⁩ socks we raised over $30k for food banks. If you can possibly contribute even $10 to your local food bank use this site to find one near you. #NYE2020

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